I don’t know what it is but for the past few days my confidence has really been “attacked.” I think the word attacked works best here, so I am going to stick with it. Dumb things have been happening and I really had to take a seat and figure out what was going on with me. I took a survey of everything just to make sure I was not being overly dramatic. Was it my hormones, the weather, was I already mad about something? Why was I feeling this way? I was annoyed with my clothes, my hair wasn’t doing right, my face was breaking out and I haven’t had time to go to the gym. I was going through! Things were not matching up. My outsides were not matching how I felt on the inside. Before I knew it, my insides started to match my outside! I was a complete mess (of course those around me did not see anything wrong with me. They thought I looked fine! So, what was wrong with my eyes?) I can tell you what was wrong! My eyes were looking all around on “other people’s papers.” I was comparing myself to others. Looking at the skin of others, their hair, their flat stomach and round butts (yes, their butts, SMH). ALL OF THAT. Then I started to pick and probe my own body, like why is this loose, why is/isn’t this flat? When I say it was bad, IT WAS BAD! I was looking on IG and comparing myself to girls I didn’t even know. While I was outside, walking down the street I was comparing myself to random people. I started to feel really bad about myself. I’d look in the mirror and point out every single flaw. I would do the exact thing I teach you not to do. It wasn’t until yesterday that I caught myself. I looked at myself eyeball to eyeball and told myself to cut it out. I asked myself, “What is going on with you?” I thought about it and then I realized that I want to be in control of everything! I want to control the way I look, the way my hair is, the way my skin is…AND I CAN’T! The feeling of not being in control had me going crazy! What’s crazier is I teach on accepting things you can’t control. I had to go back and remind myself that I am beautiful. How dare I do this to myself? I am God’s masterpiece. I can’t compare myself with others that only brings me down and makes me feel lower than a snake on the ground! It got to the point where I would wake up in the morning and think about my “flaws” before I even got to the mirror to look at them and complain about them some more.
Do you see how bad this can be? I understand that confidence has nothing to do with looks, however when you feel horrible about yourself it feels impossible to be confident, walk with your head up high and say, “This is me!” You want to hide and say, “Leave me alone.” That is why I always stress the importance of knowing who you are because you and I are more than just pretty faces! We have personality, we have a mind! We can’t afford to let the APPEARANCE of others knock us down! Especially in this day and age with the help of makeup, Photoshop, implants, booty pops and padded bras! You have no idea what you are really comparing yourself with! The funny thing about this horrible situation was It wasn’t until after I had my mini-self-counseling session that I realized I was looking at girls who had a full head of weave and makeup on! They don’t even look how they look! I was comparing myself with a fake image! I have nothing against makeup, Photoshop and filters! I love them! I just want you to be mindful that your eyes on not on the eyes of someone’s paper who has the wrong answers.
We all have these moments when we feel “attacked”! When this happens we have to look ourselves in the mirror and remind ourselves who we are! We are Gods beautiful creations! If you are short, tall, skinny, curvy, overweight, underweight, acne, freckles, moles or scars we all have been touched by God! God doesn’t want you to beat yourself up because your eyes fail to see the REAL YOU! Remove the fog from your eyes and see that you are fearfully and wonderfully made!
*Don’t Forget Your Confidence
Closet Full of Confidence- Blog
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