“It’s not rape it’s a snuggle with a struggle.” No, your eyes are not deceiving you, you read correctly. Those were the words printed on a t-shirt in the Philippines. Can you believe it? Someone thought it was a good idea to put this on a t-shirt and actually SELL it IN STORES! I was outraged when I read the article about this! How is this a fashion statement? When did rape become a glamorized act? When did rape become something cute and romantic? What messages are they trying to portray? How is this legal? I could go on and on. This is not funny or acceptable! Fortunately this shirt has been pulled off the shelves but it just makes me wonder how many people actually bought this thinking it was ok.
In the bible we learn that our bodies are not our own but in fact they belong to God and we should live lives that are pleasing to God. That does not mean that our bodies should be taken advantage of neither does it mean that we should dress in ways that are not pleasing to God. Clothes have always been a major issue with many girls! If you are a girl, I guarantee you have had an issue with either fitting in clothes, trying to figure out what to wear or not having enough clothes. Don’t worry you are not alone. However, just because something is on sale does not mean you have to buy it. For instance, if this “It’s not rape it’s a snuggle with a struggle” shirt were on sale for $1.00 you should not buy it. I wish we, as young women, would be more mindful to the words that are on our shirts. Not only are some of the messages negative, but they are inappropriate and they make you look bad. You could be the sweetest girl in the world but wearing a shirt that says, “I drink you’re cute” sends off a bad message, especially if you’re not old enough to drink.
I’m not going to lie, some of the shirts are cute (for example, the style/cut of a shirt) BUT the message is not! When I was in college a friend of mine bought me a shirt that said, “VIRGIN” and below that read, “You ain’t getting any.” It was a plain t-shirt but the wording was inappropriate. Why tell the world my business? I wore it once and after that I decided to never wear it again. I got looks and stares. I even had boys come up to me and ask, “Seriously, you are?” Several times I looked at them confused because I had no idea what they were talking about, then they would point to my shirt. SMH! I’m sharing my story because the things you wear draws attention to you and you don’t even realize it. Just because my shirt was free did not mean I had to wear it. I hope you would learn from me and choose to not wear what seems fashionable, cute or funny, because the truth of the matter is it's not. Be smart! Create your own style! Wear YOUR confidence, not foolish "fashion"!
*Don’t forget your confidence
What do you feel about this? Has fashion gone to far? As I was browsing the Internet I found a few items of clothing that were just disturbing and inappropriate, especially for young girls. Though these messages may seem harmless they are making us girls seem like we are worthless and we are only good for drinking and looking cute.
Let’s imagine that when we woke up in the morning that our hair was perfectly styled, just the way we want it. Imagine that your eyes were not puffy or filled with eye crust! Let’s imagine that when you woke up in the morning that your breath was minty fresh and not smelling like a bag of corn chips! Can you imagine how much time we would save? I know I would save at least an hour. It takes 30 minutes for me to do my hair before I go to sleep and then another 30 minutes to do it AGAIN in the morning! I wish I could be like Beyonce and just wake up “flawless”! Don’t you? If you answered, “Yes” to this question I want to let you in on a little secret. Beyonce does not wake up “like this.” She has morning breath and messy hair! She does not wake up with a freshly beat face every morning and neither do we. I am not bashing Beyonce. I am stating a fact. We are all flawed, beautifully flawed (as I like to say). How do you deal with or manage your “flaws”? Do you tell yourself that you are beautiful or do you focus on what you can’t change? I like to think that “flaws” make a person unique and embracing them are what makes a person beautiful.
I made a video that deals with this very topic. I want you ladies to love yourselves! Compliment yourself OFTEN and BELIEVE that you are fearfully and wonderfully made! God thinks you’re beautiful no matter what you think, no matter how you feel and no matter what others say about you.
Click here to watch this video and believe that you are and can be confident with your “flaws”!
*Don’t forget your confidence
I don’t know what it is but for the past few days my confidence has really been “attacked.” I think the word attacked works best here, so I am going to stick with it. Dumb things have been happening and I really had to take a seat and figure out what was going on with me. I took a survey of everything just to make sure I was not being overly dramatic. Was it my hormones, the weather, was I already mad about something? Why was I feeling this way? I was annoyed with my clothes, my hair wasn’t doing right, my face was breaking out and I haven’t had time to go to the gym. I was going through! Things were not matching up. My outsides were not matching how I felt on the inside. Before I knew it, my insides started to match my outside! I was a complete mess (of course those around me did not see anything wrong with me. They thought I looked fine! So, what was wrong with my eyes?) I can tell you what was wrong! My eyes were looking all around on “other people’s papers.” I was comparing myself to others. Looking at the skin of others, their hair, their flat stomach and round butts (yes, their butts, SMH). ALL OF THAT. Then I started to pick and probe my own body, like why is this loose, why is/isn’t this flat? When I say it was bad, IT WAS BAD! I was looking on IG and comparing myself to girls I didn’t even know. While I was outside, walking down the street I was comparing myself to random people. I started to feel really bad about myself. I’d look in the mirror and point out every single flaw. I would do the exact thing I teach you not to do. It wasn’t until yesterday that I caught myself. I looked at myself eyeball to eyeball and told myself to cut it out. I asked myself, “What is going on with you?” I thought about it and then I realized that I want to be in control of everything! I want to control the way I look, the way my hair is, the way my skin is…AND I CAN’T! The feeling of not being in control had me going crazy! What’s crazier is I teach on accepting things you can’t control. I had to go back and remind myself that I am beautiful. How dare I do this to myself? I am God’s masterpiece. I can’t compare myself with others that only brings me down and makes me feel lower than a snake on the ground! It got to the point where I would wake up in the morning and think about my “flaws” before I even got to the mirror to look at them and complain about them some more.
Do you see how bad this can be? I understand that confidence has nothing to do with looks, however when you feel horrible about yourself it feels impossible to be confident, walk with your head up high and say, “This is me!” You want to hide and say, “Leave me alone.” That is why I always stress the importance of knowing who you are because you and I are more than just pretty faces! We have personality, we have a mind! We can’t afford to let the APPEARANCE of others knock us down! Especially in this day and age with the help of makeup, Photoshop, implants, booty pops and padded bras! You have no idea what you are really comparing yourself with! The funny thing about this horrible situation was It wasn’t until after I had my mini-self-counseling session that I realized I was looking at girls who had a full head of weave and makeup on! They don’t even look how they look! I was comparing myself with a fake image! I have nothing against makeup, Photoshop and filters! I love them! I just want you to be mindful that your eyes on not on the eyes of someone’s paper who has the wrong answers.
We all have these moments when we feel “attacked”! When this happens we have to look ourselves in the mirror and remind ourselves who we are! We are Gods beautiful creations! If you are short, tall, skinny, curvy, overweight, underweight, acne, freckles, moles or scars we all have been touched by God! God doesn’t want you to beat yourself up because your eyes fail to see the REAL YOU! Remove the fog from your eyes and see that you are fearfully and wonderfully made!
*Don’t Forget Your Confidence
I wanted to take time out of my day to write you a letter letting you know how amazing you are! It’s not every day that people tell you that you are beautiful on the inside and on the outside, so I thought that I should do that. Heeeey sister-friend! You are amazing! You are beautiful on the inside and out! Please don’t ever forget it! You are needed, looked up to and loved by so many! On behalf of all of those people who did you wrong, called you dumb, stupid and ugly, I want to say I am sorry. Do not feel bad because people failed to realize the real you! Let all the negative words, the hate, and the meanness that they said to you go in one ear and out the other. You are better than the negative things people said about you! You are a winner! You are strong! You are fearfully and wonderfully made! You come from royalty! Your Heavenly Father is a King, not just any King but the King of ALL kings! That means you are a princess! Wear your crown! Wear Your Confidence!
I am so glad that you walk with your head up high. The smile you wear looks good on you! Don’t take it off. When you walk into a room people look at you and are drawn to you. Why? It’s because your inner beauty shines brighter than any diamond ever could. But be careful. With all of this confidence make sure it doesn’t turn into conceit. Don’t think you are "all that and a bag of chips." This will take some practice, but I have faith in you. You will master this with time. Remember, people are watching and waiting to see if this “new confidence” of yours is real or not. They are waiting to catch you slipping! You will have your off days and that does not mean you were faking your confidence. The truth is you are human. You will have those days where you feel unpretty, unwanted and you will doubt your abilities and that is fine. Shake it off and remind yourself who you are in Christ. With God all things are possible, you just have to believe it! You are loved! Jesus died because He loves you so much and wants the best for you! Jesus is the reason for your confidence! You can’t do this on your own and you shouldn’t feel that you have you! When you are feeling down, look up! Call on Jesus! He can give you all the confidence you need to face any obstacle! All you have to do is believe it, receive it and wear it!
I love you confident sister!
*Don’t Forget Your Confidence
Leopard print, polka dots, lace, stripes, hot pink, neon color, the list goes on and on! Bras are so festive and colorful and they hold the girls in place, :wink wink: if you know what I mean. What’s the big deal? It’s a bra! Or, if you want to be technical, it’s a brasier! Whether you are an A cup, in training or have full blown breast (yes, full blown), bras are awesome! I recently came to this realization over the weekend! Let’s rewind. You see, I’m not much of a girly girl. Sometimes I wish I was (not really). Most girls I know are into perfumes, fragrances and bras! I’m such a Plain Jane. I’m not big on perfumes and things like that or on bras, however this weekend changed my life! I had a life changing moment! I went bra shopping! Good old Victoria’s Secret saved my life! If you know me, I am cheap, so you know I had a gift card! I ended up getting an extra $10 off my purchase of 2 bras! Can I tell you that these bras fit and I just want to tell the world!? No seriously… I never experienced a bra that actually fit. I use to wear super padded bras, or my sisters old bra for years (Don’t judge me)! I had learn to be confident in my breast size (that’s a whole different story)! So, no more padding, well not so much anyway. I have just enough so that when I get cold you don’t see my ni-----..ANYWHOOO! T.M.I!
I also bought fragrances from Bath & Body (they had a sale too)! It was great! I felt like a “girly girl.” I never knew that a good fitting bra could put a smile on your face! So, no matter if your breasts are small, or if they are not, make sure you get a bra that fits! Keep the girls on lock. I promise, you will feel great and will want to tell everyone! Just make sure you don’t go around showing everyone. Accept your breast size!
And as always,
Don’t forget your confidence.
Check out the WYCTV1 YouTube page where I talked about breasts! Click here!
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